One of my biggest vice’s, is that I am a very stubborn person. I have no problem admitting it because it is something I am working on. When I have my mind made up about something, it is almost impossible to change my mind. Therefore when it comes to speaking with others, I often times use selective hearing. Selective attention is “choosing one message over another.” (Harris/Sherblom, 2008, pg. 131)
For example, my Dad really wants me to move on campus. I am a junior and have been living off campus since my sophomore year. He has always been protective over me, but sometimes I think he is too protective. So when I go back home to visit my family we always like to talk and catch each other up on our lives.
So a few weeks ago I went home and he asked me about my living situation. He knows that I have had a quite a few bad experiences with roommates off campus, and is only looking out for me. However he I like to do things on my own and not have people telling me what to do. So he started to go on about the benefits of moving back and living on campus, and I tuned him out up until he said “just do it for me and make me happy.”
Even though I did not hear much else he said regarding living on campus, the fact that it would make him happy really affected me. I think a way that I can overcome selective hearing is by overcoming my stubbornness so I can be more open to all conversation.
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I first like to say I enjoyed reading your view on selective attention. When hearing your situation I feel that we as kids always feel to rebut or make suggestion when we tend to get older. Although we are old enough to make our own decision and experience a few situation away from home, our parents still think of us as the babies. The book explains reasons for selective attention and one that is common with us common youth is that “messages contradicting what we believe are likely to be rejected”. Meaning that if we feel one way about one thing and are parents are saying another or trying to perceive our choice bad; we tend to rebut and not agree. I understand where you are coming from completely and sometime I feel it’s a parent’s nature to let us grow up and make these decision and choices so we can to find answers and alternative ways to fix problems. It was good reading your blog.
ReplyDeleteI also really enjoyed reading about your personal experience related to living on campus. That was a great way of describing the concept of selective hearing.
ReplyDeleteYou stated that one way of overcoming selective hearing or stubbornness is the use of emotional appeal. This is very true. Even if we do not want to listen to someone's opinion or idea, sometimes the emotions we feel overcomes our stubborn nature.
Your story reminds me of going to my sisters wedding next December. it is going to be a traditional wedding in india, and I want to wear one type of traditional Indian clothes while my mom wants me to wear a different kind. I engaged in selective listening in the same way you did when you did not listen to your dad's idea of living on campus. However, when she told me that grandmother, mother, and herself wore this certain type of outfit to their younger sister's wedding, it kind of made me listen and overcome my desire to make my own decision.
Wow, apparently there is a trend with "parents" and "selective hearing"... I wonder why....
ReplyDeleteAnyhwho, a lot of times parents will tell their children something because they have past experiences, have been in the same situation, or have some other kind of knowledge that can help the situation. We as their children like to tune them out a lot of the time because we think that we know. As I got older, however, I realized that what my mom was telling me I probably shouldn't have tuned out, because she was, almost always, right.
Of course, I do revel in the times that I could say "You're wrong!".
Nice and well written post, as it's something we can all relate to; parents always telling us what to do and us tuning them out because we don't want to hear it. I agree that your Dad is just wants to make sure you have the safest living situation possible. But you should tell him about the oncampus fires in the dorms and whatnot, that on campus living isn't necessarily safer.
ReplyDeleteYou should tell your Dad your reasons and arguments as to why you want to live off campus. Parents respect their kids more when they listen and communicate, and your Dad is more likely to be on board with your off campus living if you lay out with him why you don't want to move.
Good post, have a great spring break!