Week 9 Question 3: Lack of Interest

I chose to look at the barriers to active listening in chapter 2 of Small Group and Team Communication and noticed that lack of interest was one of them. As I was looking at many of my classmates posts regarding the four components of listening, I noticed that lack of interest was an issue in many instances. Generally we face this problem because “we find it inherently uninteresting or because we have determined it is too difficult for us to understand.” (Sherblom/Harris, 2008, pg. 135) When this occurs we may become bored, impatient, or even start to day dream.

I have a fairly young boss and he often times likes to tell us his stories. Many times he tells us things that I am not interested in, so I therefore start to daydream or become preoccupied with something else. I feel bad for doing this because I know it is rude; however this is a really bad habit of mine. I think many of you can relate to my story in one way or another as we all tend to have certain topics that we have very minimal interest in. In order to break this habit Sherblom and Harris suggest that we “tell ourselves that since we are there at the moment we might as well pay attention to the content of the discussion.” (Sherblom/Harris, 2008, pg. 135)

Week 9 Questions 2: Selective Hearing

One of my biggest vice’s, is that I am a very stubborn person. I have no problem admitting it because it is something I am working on. When I have my mind made up about something, it is almost impossible to change my mind. Therefore when it comes to speaking with others, I often times use selective hearing. Selective attention is “choosing one message over another.” (Harris/Sherblom, 2008, pg. 131)

For example, my Dad really wants me to move on campus. I am a junior and have been living off campus since my sophomore year. He has always been protective over me, but sometimes I think he is too protective. So when I go back home to visit my family we always like to talk and catch each other up on our lives.

So a few weeks ago I went home and he asked me about my living situation. He knows that I have had a quite a few bad experiences with roommates off campus, and is only looking out for me. However he I like to do things on my own and not have people telling me what to do. So he started to go on about the benefits of moving back and living on campus, and I tuned him out up until he said “just do it for me and make me happy.”

Even though I did not hear much else he said regarding living on campus, the fact that it would make him happy really affected me. I think a way that I can overcome selective hearing is by overcoming my stubbornness so I can be more open to all conversation.

Week 9 Question 1: Four Components of Listening

I think the first phase of listening was the most difficult to me when talking with one of my friends a couple days ago. The first phase of listening is sensing or hearing the message. “Sensing or hearing the message is a voluntary act whereby we choose certain sounds and noises to pay attention to, while avoiding others.” (Harris/Sherblom, 2008, pg. 131)

I went to my hometown to visit my family and one of my old friends wanted to hang out with me as well. However as the years have gone by, we continued to have less and less in common. Most of the time she talks about things that I find either irrelevant or that I cannot relate to. She likes to gossip or talk about people and when she does that I find it hard to pay attention to what she is saying. It got to the point that all I literally heard was “blah blah blah” and I just continued to nod my head or smile.

I think this was so difficult for me because I did not want to hear what she had to say whatsoever, and I could not even use selective attention. That shows how much of a disinterest I had in the topic. I felt bad though because she is and old friend and was only trying to talk and catch up with me. I probably could have overcome this issue by telling her that I was not interested in the gossip so that she or I could have changed the subject to something we both were interested in hearing.

Week 7 Question 2: Proxemics and Chronemics

“The way we structure and use and are affected by space constitutes proxemity.” (Harris/Sherblom 117) There is an example in the book that describes proxemics as “the invisible boundary that individuals draw around themselves.” (Harris/Sherblom 117) This boundary is dependant upon circumstances surrounding the individuals. Chronemics on the other hand, “is the study of the use of time.” (Harris/Sherblom 119) “The manipulation of time is an important dynamic in small group interactions.” (Harris/Sherblom 119) Around the globe, many people have their own ideas and essentials surrounding time. Therefore in order to be as effective as possible, you should learn how each group that you interact with, values time.

Unfortunately I have not been outside of the United States, so I do not know from first hand how other countries differ from us in terms of proxemics. However, I have a friend who is Nigerian, and I experience different uses of proxemics than I ever have out here. When I first met him, we were in a classroom and he said “nice to meet you” and kissed me on my cheek. I was a little uncomfortable because I thought he was trying to hit on me. I later talked to him about this meet and he explained to me that he was new to the United States at the time and that in Nigeria, men treated women with respect by kissing them on their cheeks. It is a form of a handshake. I do not know if it is like this all throughout that country but I thought that was very interesting.

As far as proxemics goes, I believe everyone in this country can relate to the saying “time is money”. We in the United States always emphasize the importance of promptness. However I believe that on most of our days off from work or class, we all like to sleep in and relax. I have an Indian coworker who would wake up very early in the morning no matter what. I used to ask him why he woke up early if he did not have to. He then explained to me that in his culture, sleeping in is a sign of laziness. They believe that even if you are not required to do anything, you should get up and either work or study to better yourself. Although I commend them for that, I do not see myself doing that as I enjoy a day of relaxation after a week of school and work. I guess America did that to me.

Week 7 Question 3: Humor

I read a lot of interesting concepts in chapter 6; however the one that caught my attention the most was humor. The importance of humor in communication is not commonly discussed, which is why I was happy to see it in this chapter. “Humor uses the power of verbal communication to share messages, relieve stress, support group fantasies, integrate ideas, support common values, convey messages and meaning to people, and help listener acceptance.” (Bolman & Deal, 2003) (Harris/Sherblom 113)

In many of my small group experiences, humor has been successfully used. For example, often times, group members feel uneasy or stressed out in forced group situations. However when the task is addressed and humor is implemented, this almost always relieves stress and reinforces cohesiveness. I remember one instance, I was in a group and our assignment was a five page paper due in four days. Then a guy in our group said, “Well, it could be worse. It could be a 10 page paper due tonight.” Everyone laughed and it reassured us all that we absolutely could get this assignment done.

So in short, I believe humor, when used at the appropriate times, can always help lighten a situation.

Week 7 Question 1: Nonverbal Principles

Hello all! The two nonverbal communication principles I would like to discuss are the second and sixth ones.

The second principle simply states: “when what we do and what we say are inconsistent, nonverbal communication is more likely to be believed.” (Harris/Sherblom 114) I like to think of this concept as the common saying “your actions speak louder than words”. I have seen this principle apply to many different group or team meetings; however I will discuss just one. At my job, we had a new hire. She asked one of my coworkers about some of the policies we had here. One of the things he told her that was strictly enforced was that cell phones were not aloud to be used, unless you are on your break. However, about twenty minutes he began text messaging, and the new hire saw that she was confused. So she now thinks it is okay to use her phone while on her shifts.

The sixth principle means: “the things we notice, or our perceptions of nonverbal cues, lead to meaning.” (Harris/Sherblom 115) The examples they gave surrounding this principle included: decreased distance, increase touching, relaxed posture, and etc. (Harris/Sherblom 115) I remember being forced into a small group project in class, where none of us knew one another. We turned our desks to face each other but everyone left significant space between the surrounding desks. Eventually though, as we all began talking and laughing we scooted our desks closer. This nonverbal communication definitely portrayed a positive message.